I don’t really know the precise words to worship her unheard glories cause she’s so perplexing and astonishing. Yes, this post is my tribute to her which I’ve written from the very core of my heart and only for her – my mother, my best companion, my shadow, my soul mate; I don’t know which one really is her, maybe all? I almost crossed paths with her again – yeah again, what can I say? – while thinking what to write about her because there are so many things and yet nothing.
Maybe it’s not really about her rather me celebrating our 10th year anniversary as my life has been so much about her that sometimes I confuse myself as her. Our relationship is just like the one you have with people – sometimes sweeter, but oftentimes bitter and unpleasant. What? You’ve never gotten to the sour part in your relationships with your close friends, family, or partners yet? Well, you enjoy while it lasts and I truly hope that you don’t get to that part.
What a journey we have had together, it’s just ineffable (I hope she feels the same). I tell you how her countless blessings have gotten me so far in my life in every aspect shortly. I’m exhilarated to start with all physical and emotional pleasures I have relished so far– what a hell of a rollercoaster ride! Her sudden and frequent attacks have made me so freaking inactive all the time that I rarely notice people and my surroundings.
I find myself constantly thinking about her and sometimes I doubt if I even have other topics or people to think about. So much of making myself self-centered right? I want to thank her for contributing this ability of selfishness or we could say self-love to leave it in more positive note.
Late nights, late evenings, afternoons, or early mornings with her abrupt presence in my head pounding like it’s going to blow up my brains in messy ways and that pain she brings makes me want to jump off a skyscraper for it just-just to end. Well! the combination and whole file of Dolopar and Domstal soothes it somehow for a little while and makes me appreciate her presence a bit more. Being having to rely on so many medicines the half of my life is a joy – maybe more to her – no? However, I enjoy the anxiety about her abrupt presence more so than the others of her valuable contributions to my healthy and happy life.
Let me tell you, physical pain is not the best part of her as I’ve mentioned above cause there are several other prodigious donations she’s made towards my personal, social and professional relationships with emotional and mental state, and also financial (if you may as well add). She’s so picky that I can’t have so many things that I enjoy as my meals. You know for a person who likes sour and spicy, I don’t really care if she does not let me have dairy or any sort of sweet fruits like banana or cold drinks – yeah! it’s a trigger for her, right there – but come on! Coffee! Is she serious? I love coffee and I’d die to take some sips out of my brother’s cup on occasions. But NO! if I disobey, we both – her and I – know what happens next. So, as a good girl I mostly try to avoid the punishments by not getting myself some very delicious meals or drinks.
She constantly commands me to be healthy yet also becomes so fussy in even healthy vegetables and fruits; it’s like a dream come true to me. In spite of her healthy eating demands, she forces me to enjoy so much of medicines and so damn frequently… it just amazes me how much of a hypocrite that she is. Her authoritarian commands be like “don’t go to or hear loud music/sound, don’t smell anything strong that puts me off, don’t go out with too much heat/sunlight, don’t be exposed in too much cold, do things strictly and exactly on time like a robot – not like a normal human who does things spontaneously or sometimes misses out one routine or two”.
I don’t think many people know (not even closet family members or friends) that how many times I have been called names like slacker, liar, cold, or lazy just because I inherited or developed this best friend of mine. I guess, at least a thousand or more until now. Thanks to her and her blessings that I am a slacker at work, at home chores, or even at my own personal works. I know what I need to do and I certainly know how to do with my complete dedication and a bit more but why doesn’t she let me? She doesn’t let me do the best and with my best because she demands that I should not do or be too extreme. Is it logical? Even for her? You know, few weeks back, I was so full of energy and focus and I committed myself finishing up this post but then she showed up unannounced and this time her stay was prolonged, it was one of the slowest, darkest, and longest days I’ve had besides few others.
I feared that she was not going to leave this time and I was at a verge of making amends with her. But she did leave finally gradually but then came back again after a day, stayed for almost 4days and again left and she arrived one last time to remind me who was the boss in our relationship and had her pleasant stay for 3 more days. I was like a cancer patient at the edge of leaving; just lying on a bed with very less appetite for foods, smile, laugh and entertainment, no energy to spell a word, but without anything severe to check upon or to treat or proof of illness. There certainly existed anger though, and questions of why she was here and why she was hurting me so much? Complete emotional and mental exhaustion is what she left me afterwards as an offering.
To add more about her, she gets the best out of my guilt and procrastination. Here I am having plans for weekends, works, personal chores, and everything and there she is mocking at my vulnerability as she controls those plans and their executions exactly as she wants. I have lost counts of times I have had to cancel my friendly meetings or social occasions just because she wanted to have fun with me and times that I’ve had to put myself in a corner or rush towards home being unfriendly and cold. If you don’t know, for someone like me who always finds it hard to socialize with new people, that’s a huge red flag in networking personally and professionally. But few times, I win over her with help of some home remedies and as you know! Medicines.
One might wonder why have I not showed her place by treating it? I have had visited so many doctors more than the times one could think, but the medicines they seem to give is the same as always. The numbness and highness for almost 24 hours? And with medicines like that who could possibly make it to school and work with loads of assignments, personal works, social life at the same time? But maybe it’s just about me and my excuses for my failures. Who knows who to blame? Apart from above mentioned and more divine lessons, she’s taught me to be tough, hold on tight to and appreciate with my open heart the things I truly adore and believe like a real mother (either it’s her way or the highway kind of and I had to take her way– the excruciating one). However, the last three statements of mine do not justify her innocence, please take a note.
